My father left this world on Dec 8, 1998. My mother would join him in the afterlife four years later, on Oct 13, 2002. Popular but controversial YouTuber David Carroll - I affectionately referred to him as "Uncle Dave" - left out of here on Dec 14, 2021. And now, the incredibly grim news of Kevin Samuels' passing, May 5, 2022.
The calendar dates, forever burned into my memory, seem to get longer and longer.
And the same can be said of the eulogies I've given, too. Too many to recount. Too painful to focus on.
I have been awake all night, conferring with partners I closely work with, and scanning the internet and social media for coverage and information regarding the sum of all my fears. Early this morning, in a call with someone very close to Kevin, my fears were realized.
I want to thank all those who have reached out to me via emails and direct/instant messages and on social media with their concerns and well wishes. I couldn't respond to you all and deeply appreciate your thoughts.
In the days and weeks to come, there will and should be much discussion about the life of my friend, and what it all meant. Already, there is the undeniable - and truly disturbing - throng of individuals who populate engines of perpetual outrage, dancing on a grave that has yet to be dug. The sordid rationale being, that this is somehow recompense for the "bad energy" my friend put out into the world about Black women. I find that notion interesting. Surely, the Oscar-winning actress and comedienne Mo'Nique also had to have it in for the Sistahood when she made the choice to slim down, or gasp!--suggest that Black women give a thought to how they present themselves to an outer world so many of them claim to be so hostile toward them in the first place. Yes, that has to also account for her being torn apart in the digital public square by the Angry Black Female Mob. Gotcha.
Or, how could we forget the Black Woman Hater par excellence - the late Kobe Bryant, yes? The smoke - literally - was still rising from the helicopter crash site that took his, his daughter and several other lives, before the lovely ladies took to their smartphones to register their righteous indignation. Oh, wait. Bryant's only crime, was that he just happened to choose up on a non-Black woman to be his wife and mother of his kids. There is no record of him "degrading" Black women - the charge that's being put on Kevin right now. Oh well.
Clearly, you get my point: I think this "karma" nonsense - the "Aha! Who died alone now?!?!?" - the "He shoulda looked in the mirror before talking about Black women's weight because his own health was bad!" and the like, to be the blatherings of weak, insecure and delusional people, who simply couldn't handle the truth, no matter how it was served up. Bottomline: You cannot tell Black women anything they don't like, and this is no respecter of gender either, as the aforementioned Mo'Nique has borne out. Simply do or say something Black women don't approve of, and they're ready to "cancel" you.
Period.
Another major topic of debate I strongly suspect, will be what role will the voices of Black men have in our social media age? In the aggregate public mind of Black Women, the answer is quite obvious: To be seen and not heard. Black men have predetermined roles to play in the melodrama that is so many Black women's lives, now the stuff of long running and seemingly never ending "reality shows" - truly, the soap operas of our time. Black men are to be little more than walking, breathing props, there to be supporting actors, heavies and heels to the "divas" who are the undisputed stars of the show. Any Black man who colors outside of those lines, is Public Enemy Number One. And that is certainly what Kevin became to be in the eyes of arguably hundreds of thousands of Black women.
All of this will be the "big story" - but of course what will be conveniently left out is how Kevin toiled away in relatively obscurity, attempting to appeal to Black men with the very same "tough love" message - all to no avail. Long before it became fashionable on the part of Black women to engage in rank homophobia on him, Black men were lambasting Kevin with the same homophobia for three years straight - and since we're on the matter, that's one year longer that he's been on Black men, for the ladies reading along, than he was on about addressing you. Try as you might, three years is NOT smaller than two years. Not that any of you actually cared about such trifles as the facts of the matter.
Back to my point about the brothers: Many - most - of you flat out rejected Kevin's message of "looking good, smelling good and being your absolute best". I've seen and witnessed it firsthand. You didn't want to be bothered with what he was trying to do, until World Star Hip Hop made him a household name for a little over 20 minute video clip of a much larger live stream, in the fall of 2020. It would become known as the "Average at Best" video - the first of at least a dozen times World Star Hip Hop would make Kevin go viral - and the rest as they say, is history. Suddenly, Black men started to pay rapt attention to what Kevin had to say - so long as it was about the foibles of Black women (of which there are quite a few) - and would pay handsomely for the privilege of watching the master at work, "Whoop That Trick!". Let's be honest, fellas: "Black Male Improvement" simply doesn't sell, much for the same reason that self-help books don't sell very well for men in general and Black men in particular: Because Black men in the main honestly DO believe, that their stuff simply does not stink, and that any problems that exist are those that are external to themselves, not internal. Kevin wised up to that fact after three years of what could only rightly called abuse, and changed it up. Like any good businessman would, I might add.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
And, it won't be discussed how Kevin actually brought Black men and women together - last time I checked, somewhere over 50 Black couples. Scoff at that minuscule number if you wish, but before you do, riddle me this: How many Black couples do YOU know, have come together as a result of the umpteen self-styled "Black Love Experts" over the decades; have they actually moved the needle along these lines in the way that Kevin did? It is a matter of public record that Black men and women found each other and are either married or engaged, as a direct result of him - a far sight better than I can say for muscle-bound self-love crooners who can't seem to keep it in their own pants, let alone help any Black women land a halfway decent brother. I am very satisfied that Kevin's track record of success and results, will do a fine job of acquitting itself.
Yes, there are and will be many different aspects of Kevin's life on the Jumbotron that we will be discussing in detail now that he is gone: His business savvy, his social media virtuosity, his Sidney Poitier-esque verve; but for me, the biggest takeaway from his life as I knew it for the past five years at least, was his quiet commitment to excellence, and to Black people. He often believed more in others, than they believed in themselves.
Including me.
There are those who are puzzled why I referred to Kevin with the affectionate nickname, "Saint Kevin"; I simply say to those who wonder, if you've spent any time at all watching his often multi-hour live shows - I've watched hundreds of them at this point all the way to his very last show the other night - you'll easily see why I referred to him in such a way. I challenge anyone reading this right now to demonstrate the same patience, restraint and real grace under fire, that he has repeatedly shown over the past FIVE years. I suspect there will be few takers to my challenge here.
A final point, for now at least, is in order. It has been said that the best way we can honor the dead is to pass on what they have taught us in life; to emulate their example, in ways big and small. It is my sincere hope, that Black men will do just that in the wake of Kevin Roshon Samuels' death, since it was so abundantly clear that so many of them so flatly rejected his example in life.
TL;DR:
Leaders lead from the front. And by example at that.
Requiem For A Saint
May 06
Mumia Obsidian Ali